Kale Quiche as Bowling Fuel

I am so done with cookies. Now that I’ve written that, and stared at it for a few seconds to reconcile what’s written with what holds true, I immediately disagree with myself. BUT. For the time being, I feel like taking a break from cookies—the holidays cookied me out. Whole grains and a palette of vegetables will be what I’m painting my mouth with from here until further notice.

Kale Quiche

First you have to make the crust:

½ stick cold unsalted butter

3 tbsp cold vegetable shortening, cut into 4 pieces (I did this, but you could also just use more butter)

4-5 tbsp ice water

1 ¼ cups unbleached all-purpose wheat flour

1/2 tsp. table salt (I used sea salt)

1 Tbsp. sugar

Cut the butter into 1/4 ” slices, then into quarters. Measure the shortening and cut it into small pieces. Lay it all out on a sheet of wax paper and put them in the freezer for about 15 minutes.

Process  flour with the salt and sugar in the work bowl of a food processor until combined, about 2 one-second pulses. Add the butter and shortening and process in short, quick pulses, until dough comes together in uneven clumps. (Don’t use a continuous pulse, as this incorporates the fat too quickly.) All the flour should be coated, and the dough should kind of look like cottage cheese curds. Scrape down dough and add remaining cup of flour; pulse again, with short, quick pulses, until mixture is evenly distributed around bowl, about 4-6 quick pulses. Using feeding tube, pour water mixture into bowl and again use short, quick pulses to incorporate into dough. Pulse till dough is mixed and comes together. You should be able to see tiny pieces of butter in the dough. Remove dough from work bowl and flatten into a 4″ disk and wrap each in plastic wrap. Refrigerate at least 45 minutes, or up to 2 days, or freeze for later use.

Now you fill it with the entrails of a proper quiche:

3/4 c. chopped kale, thawed and well-drained

1/2 c. finely chopped onion

2/3 c. shredded cheddar jack cheese

2 bell peppers (whatever color you love)

4 large eggs

1 c. skim milk

1 tsp ground mustard

1 tbsp flour

1 tsp salt

1 tsp black pepper

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Combine kale, bell peppers, onion and cheese in pie crust. 

In a medium bowl, whisk eggs, milk, ground mustard, flour, salt and black pepper. Pour into pie crust.

Bake 50 to 60 minutes or until knife inserted in the center comes out clean. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

On an entirely unrelated note, I bowled the best game of my life a few days ago. I think it was because of eating healthy dishes like this kale quiche. The new personal record to beat is now a sizzling 104. My brother pulverized the whole family, scoring some astronomical figure like ten hundred thousand, I think it was 243. He made it look so easy, with his signature dance after every strike.

But everyone has their own style when it comes to bowling alley panache.

I, on the other hand, always manage to turn bowling into some strange human pretzel war on self, getting tangled in my own limbs running three yards with an eight pound ball. 

Hence, the smug thrill of finally breaking One Hundred.

Because I only go once every couple of years, I find myself snapping photos of my family performing their bowls like a tourist at a foreign zoo. But my mother has asked that I include no further photos of her “kyphotic back” and so those photos are only available at a price (which will go into the Mother-Daughter Pedicure Fund) at my private exhibit.